Living my own world
Maria Manibel
March 18, 2014
0 Comments
All this time I’m just pretending. Pretending to be happy, not hurt. That’s all I can do to show them that I’m not affected. But they do not even notice all those tears I shed, those tears I cried. All they can see is a SMILE, a Smile that’s full of Sadness, Miseries, Pain, Tears kept inside. I wouldn’t let anyone see those secrets kept inside my smile, I didn’t even let them know what I do really feel. I don’t want anybody accompany me through all those pains I’ve felt. I kept all inside me, until now, they’re all kept and still hurting me. I want to remove all of them, I want to throw it all away. But as times passes by, it’s getting strong and hurts me so much. The more I want to throw them the more they stay, the more they gets plenty. I keep on asking myself, WHY AM I LIKE THIS? WHY DO I FELT THOSE PAINS? WHY DID I CRIED A LOT OF TEARS? CAN SOMEONE MAKE ME HAPPY FOR A LONG TIME? CAN SOMEONE LOVE ME, THE WAY I LOVED THEM? those questions keeps on hurting me, keeps in killing me, all I want is a person who can erase those pain & wounds in my heart, but I wouldn’t let anybody to do that for me. WHY? It’s because of DOUBT. It always bothers me. I’m afraid that one day that person who made me feel special would LEFT me & LEAVE me all ALONE.
That’s my greatest fear ever, to lose the person I love. The reason why I kept those pain & wounds inside my heart, I know that NO ONE can throw them away, I know that NO ONE will stay with me FOREVER. I’m always afraid to LOVE, afraid to be HURT all over again. But I can’t do anything, I lived like this, I grew up in this world, It’s me, a PART of the PRETENDER’S WORLD.
SOURCE: mariamanibel.tumblr.com
